The Power of Regret: How Looking Backward Moves Us Forward by Daniel H. Pink

If you ever have thoughts of “woulda, coulda, shoulda,” this may signal some level of regret on your part. Daniel Pink takes on the topic of regret in a hopeful and pragmatic way. Well-researched with stories from around the world, Pink says regret is part of being human..

The book outlines four core regrets:

Foundation Regrets arise from failure of foresight, planning, and hard work. “If only I’d done the work.”

Boldness Regrets arise from the failure to take full advantage of an opportunity, idea, or situation. Playing it safe sounds like: “If only I’d taken the risk.”

Moral Regrets may include harm, cheating, or disloyalty. It may be the lack of care, fairness, or loyalty. “If only I’d done the right thing.”

Connection Regrets arise from relationships that dissolved or are unresolved. “If only I reached out.”

Pink’s conclusions:

Regret is valuable. It clarifies. It instructs. Done right, it needn’t drag us down; it can lift us up. Regret makes us better. If we know our regret, we know what we value most.

• What do we do with our regrets? 

• Undo them by repair, apology, restitution, reaching out.

Recast how we think about regret. What is the silver lining in this regret?

• Have self-compassion. We are human.

• Use regret to make different choices going forward.

Video: Watch Daneil Pink talk about the book The Power of Regret